Life lessons can be hard to learn. Luckily since you read this blog, you don’t have to experience some of life’s most difficult lessons firsthand. You can simply read what I write and say to yourself, “I will never do what Megan did.” And it will be a great life for you! Read on. It shouldn’t take long before I get to the good stuff.
I went to Pittsburgh with my mom this weekend. Seems reasonably safe, right? I always feel nice and safe when I’m with my mom. I even told her on the flight, I said, “Mom, if the plane goes down, at least we’ll be together and we’ll never have to live without each other.” She loves it when I say heart-warming things like that. Eats it up.
So we went to Pittsburgh to visit my mom’s best friend from high school who coincidentally has a daughter two months older than me, also named Megan. It seems my mom is a copycat when it comes to naming her only daughter.
Whatever, though, I’m over it. Anyway, my mom’s friend, Janet, and her husband are both really talented in the kitchen. Saturday night they made these stuffed jalapenos. I’m not the bravest about eating spicy things, but everything else they made was so delicious, I had to try it. First one went down great. Not too spicy. I could handle it, no problem. I handled it so well, I thought to myself, “Megan, eat another one. Remember that thing you read about spicy things helping you lose weight? You’ll probably just start shedding pounds as you chew.” So, I ate another one. I was feeling pretty good up until the very last bite, when suddenly the spiciness became overwhelming, and I couldn’t sit still. I said to our friends something to the extent of, “My tongue is really spicy, please help me fix it.” Walt, Janet’s husband, who I can now only assume is a hardcore prankster kind of like Ashton Kutcher, proceeded to tell me that straight alcohol is a great cure for spiciness. I didn’t question it, which is odd because I used to be a fairly good chemistry student, but then again I haven’t actually studied chemistry in several years, so there is a good chance I forgot everything I learned about it. I just considered it a win-win. I will cure my spicy tongue and also get a little drunk. So, I took a shot of vodka at Walt’s request. THEN, I died.
I didn’t really die, but I did feel like my tongue was going to just fall out. I couldn’t even put it back in my mouth. I just stood over the kitchen floor with my tongue hanging out (similar to Miley’s most recent performance) while simultaneously screaming. It was terrifying, really. No one would help me. They just kept looking at me. I couldn’t really talk, because my tongue was burning so much, so I just kept screaming. Finally, Walt poured me some milk, which he probably should have just done in the first place. WALT. What a character, that guy.
So, later that night, my mom was taking pictures of the moon (see below), and Casey and I were texting about when we should start thinking about having Strange babies.
I said we should start considering in approximately three years, so I can have ample time with the cats before we bring humans into the world. I heard when you have kids, your pets kind of get pushed to the wayside, and I’m not really finished being obsessed with my cats yet. I still need more time.
Casey said he thought it would be better to only wait one year. I can only assume this is because he has been praying our future children will be severely allergic to cats forcing us to get rid of Lucy and Molly upon their birth.
Anyway, we compromised on two years, but we apparently weren’t communicating well on what exactly two years meant.
(Sorry about the typo in my tweet. I was still a little woozy from my big jalapeno/vodka experience.) So, there was no final decision on offspring. But, look! Chickens!
Janet had lots of dogs and chickens and horses. Have you ever watched chickens? They walk and talk in the most hilarious manner. It’s unreal. I also took a selfie with their smallest dog, Georgie.
Don’t drink and eat jalapenos.