Pepper spray and fireball

Lots to say today since I’ve been hosting a (several) moment(s) of silence for no reason besides busyness (typical American excuse)…

Things are pretty much exactly the same as they were when I last wrote.

For instance, Tory still torments Lucy for the hell of it.

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It’s still hilarious.

Lucy and Molly are still a united front against all things dog.

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Tory still struggles to fit her whole tongue in her mouth.

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Abbey still watches silly television programming in our house. We allow it because she pays rent.

While watching Dancing with the Stars this evening:

*announcer announces something that I guess was groundbreaking, revolutionary, etc.*

Abbey: WOW SHOCKINGGGGG

Megan: *type type type as though nothing happened*

Abbey: Megan, I wish you cared a little bit more.

Megan: *type type type as though nothing happened*

 

In recent news and events, it is my birthday week, which I share with both my brothers. Naturally we took the time to pose for a classic family photo complete with inappropriate hand signals courtesy of my twin.

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My younger brother often seduces the camera with his eyes like that…it’s nothing special. Don’t get sucked in, because he has the best girlfriend in the whole world, and I have an unhealthy attachment to their relationship.

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I made them stand there for a good long time while snapping 50-something of these babies.

The highlight was definitely last night at the annual birthday dinner celebration. I was overshadowed often by my brothers (like my childhood. JK, MOM, DON’T FREAK OUT) in conversation, so most of my hilarious one-liners were barely heard by anyone except Casey who politely chuckled to himself and wondered why on earth he didn’t marry ANYONE ANYONE ANYONE else in the entire world.

Evidence below:

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Is he about to laugh or cry? SEE THAT’S THE QUESTION! That’s the face of some serious regret.

He was feeling a whole lot better about the situation BEFORE the dinner.

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See? The dog looks adoringly upon the happy couple whilst they’re photographed in conflicting patterned shirts.

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Overwhelmed with happiness, because he has momentarily forgotten what a dinner with my family is like.

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All jokes aside (but not for long), the dinner was actually PERFECT thanks to my mom’s brilliant birthday-dinner planning skills. She’s done this thing for 26 years, and she’s totally perfected the art. However, she’d still rather show you the side of her head than the front of her face. I can only assume she had a traumatic experience with the paparazzi at some point early in her childhood that made her so terrified of being photographed. NOTE: Matthew, again with the hand signals…

Sentimental gifts were exchanged. I bought my brothers both shirts from their favorite stores. They bought me:

Pepper spray (love, John).

Fireball (love, Matthew).

With my new powers combined, I feel ready to both party all night long and also stop anyone who tries to get in my way.

But, instead I will most likely do what I do best: cuddle with kittens.

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Levels and Conversations

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Casey: Did you know you have a level on your iPhone?

Megan: Yes. And you already asked me that.

Casey: Damnit. I’m running out of things to talk to you about.

So, on the bright side, marriage is great.

Except that we also can’t trust each other. Because let me tell you, I TRUSTED Casey to help me with my Fantasy draft, because you know he LOVES football, and he watches it ALL the time, and he’s always talking about it and checking his phone for scores, etc. etc. Seems logical, right? Seems like THE RIGHT MOVE, RIGHT?

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WHAT A JOKE.

If it was a real trust fall, I’d be dead. Or at least have a concussion.

Shorts and pear-pineapples

We have a tree!

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Supposedly it produces pear-pineapples, but only time will tell. As of today, we also have countertops, toilets, sinks and carpet, which is good considering we are supposed to move in in two short (hopefully) weeks.

As you can see, Casey’s beard is coming along quite nicely. We might have to exchange our house in the city for a cabin in the mountains soon. He’s lucky I’d go anywhere with him.

Whoooops. Almost got a lil gushy there.

In other news, I recently purchased some new shorts. Casey mentioned they were a little larger in the waist and a little longer in the length than last summer’s edition.

M: I was trying to find some more age-appropriate shorts.

C: Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize you recently turned 65?

Already tore the tags off of ‘em, so guess I’ll just save them for more special occasions like volunteering at the local retirement center?

Good Talk and robbing banks

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Listening to “Lay Down” in the car.

Casey: This song makes me wanna go do something badass.

Me: Like rob a bank?

Casey: No…not like that.

We obviously have different definitions of badass.

 

After watching “Dallas Buyers Club”:

Casey: Who names their kid Rayon?

Great takeaway, Case.

 

After spending the evening watching the season finale of The Bachelor with my girlfriends, I came home find Casey in a good mood because he hadn’t been subjected to the “trash television.”

Me (in my best Juan Pable accent): I think I will go to bed. Get in my pyamas and tell myself a yoke.

Casey (attempting same accent): And then in the morning, you can……………(lots of dots to symbolize long period of silent thinking on Casey’s part and long period of boredom on my part)……(back to American accent) Shoot. There is no J in pancakes.

Es okay, Casey. Es okay.

 

Wrecking Ball and cat litter

The only downside to having a cat is when you’re at the grocery store reaching for your favorite brand of cat litter and another inferior brand of cat litter falls off the shelf and onto your foot and then breaks and litter goes all over aisle 12 because your foot is made strictly of muscle and is really strong like that.

Other than that…cat-owning is usually blissful.

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Besides cuddling with felines, I have also been up to a few other things. Such as trying a new karaoke place called Glitter…

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Where, yes, I did sing Miley’s Wrecking Ball, and it was a life-changing experience. Like I really felt my calling.

Conversation that occurred after I got home:

Casey: How was karaoke?

Megan: It was good. I sang Wrecking Ball.

Casey: Sounds about right.

Megan: I have a video.

Casey: I do not want to see that.

If only I had married someone that supported my dreams…

I guess my Wrecking Ball singing is why I get messages like this:

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Not like OH MEGAN IS THE GREAT PERSON IN THE GROUP OR THE KIND, SENSITIVE SOUL, no. Megan is the entertainment. Hope you’re proud, Ma.

Okay, a few more mind-boggling things to share.

My little brother thinks he looks fat in this pic so I wanted to post it on the Internet:

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I got him that shirt, which reads “I flexed and the sleeves fell off.” It was supposed to be a gag gift and kind of sarcastic, but I think he wears it seriously.

Lastly, I found evidence that Casey loves cats really really deep down:

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Babies and paper-filing

HI FOLKSES,

I just finished an episode of Modern Family, which I watched without Casey because he is in busy season and consequently never home when I’m awake. I would have loved to have waited so we could have laughed together, but I kept seeing teasers on Facebook, and I couldn’t really envision handling the anticipation much longer, so I just went for it. I felt guilty the whole time. Especially because Hulu kept freezing up as if to say SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE WATCH MODERN FAMILY TOGETHER. But ohhhhh welllllll. I didn’t listen.

More rambling, let’s begin. Saturday I got to spend the day with Megan‘s small human. Greatest bebe ever. The happiest happiest person I have ever met. She especially loved when I kissed her, so even though I looked weird while doing it, I did it times a million.

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After hanging out with that baby who was already born, I went to celebrate a baby not yet born with a good ol’ college friend. Jordan and Andrew had a gender reveal party where we found out they are having a Carter Matthew, who luckily is a boy!

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Jordan made all those snacks herself, because she is super domestic and a swell baker.

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Ew pregnancy. JUST KIDDING. It’s beautiful, and I can’t wait to meet Baby Carter.

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Here are Erin and me being just UBER excited to find out if Baby Keyes was a boy or a girl. We both wore blue, which was supposed to mean we thought the baby was a boy. I had actually been picturing a girl since Jordan told me she was pregnant, but I don’t have much pink, which I guess was God’s sign that it was a boy. Thank you, Jesus, for that little hint.

After Saturday, you probably know it was SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! Fun times, but the only pictures we took were really quality selfless, so enjoy:

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And lastly, a fellow employee at my new job (WHICH I AM JUST ADORING) showed me the app Waterlogue, which allowed me to turn this already great photo:

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into this artistic one:

Painted in Waterlogue

I probably shouldn’t have paid $2.99 for that app (cue Casey texting me WTF), but I did, and now I will have unlimited watercolor portraits of Lucy and Molly.

Speaking of Casey texting me (because it’s busy season and that’s how we millennials communicate), here’s a gem:

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