Marriage and literature

I’ll be the first to admit that I shamelessly click on all those articles people post on Facebook with the dozens of reasons you know you’re in your twenties or the bajillion reasons why the Hunger Games characters are actually Spongebob characters. One day I hope to be too busy with real life to read these sorts of articles, but today is not that day so I stumbled upon How You Decide Who to Marry (written by kids) for probably the seventh or eighth time. I don’t know about you but when I reread books like The Catcher in the Rye or To Kill a Mockingbird, I have a tendency to notice different things each time. Same thing happened with this well-thought-out piece of literature. Today when I read it, I started to compare things these kids were saying to what I think about marriage. (I did manage to scroll to the comments to see an obscenely lengthy debate about whether or not kids actually said these things or not. I.Don’t.Care. It’s funny either way. I’m gonna pretend it’s real, because ignorance is bliss, and I prefer bliss to the alternative (not bliss)).

Here we go.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

I have this down. As much as I complain about football season, I actually LOVE the fact that Casey loves football. It’s all manly and rugged and sexay. When he says “Oh God, that was a terrible play,” man, it just gets me. 

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

I think she has this dead-on. If anyone has chosen who they’ve fallen in love with, let me know cause that is quite a feat. God knew I needed a voice of reason and someone to do my laundry. That’s why I got stuck with Casey. He got the part about me having cats and Casey not liking cats confused. Nobody’s perfect.

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10

Nailed that one. I was only a few months shy of 24 when we got married, and I had known Casey forever, minus about 15 years. 

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

Smarty pants. But foolishness makes life fun, doesn’t it?

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8

We don’t often yell at children, because we don’t have any, but we often find ourselves yelling at the same cats. (But I’m just pretending so Casey won’t think that I’m a pushover and so he’ll think I “care about our furniture.”)

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don’t want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

We want a few more, Lori. Casey is looking forward to the day we have more kids around, because he thinks once I have kids I’ll love the cats less. Poor kid is so delusional. 

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

This one KILLED me, because when Casey and I started dating I remember telling him he was going to have to talk to me if he wanted to continue going on dates. Guess I hadn’t listened long enough.

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10

I probably told Casey that I was normal and a well-adjusted human being at some point during the early stages of dating. May have told him I’d never have cats. People change.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

Luckily I’ve never had a bad date. But if I was having a bad date, I’d do the same thing. And instead of making sure the newspapers wrote about it, I’d just write it myself, because I’ve written many obituaries, and I know what I’d want mine to say. I am also still in contact with several editors at the Chronicle, so I could easily send it over. This is the best way out of a bad date, in my opinion. At least with my skill set. I’m also really good at playing dead. I often do it to see how much Casey really loves me. 

Just kidding. I just ask him ridiculous what-if questions. (Such as, would you still love me if I cut my hair really short in a sort of half-shaven way and then sat naked on a wrecking ball constantly? Or would you still love me if I brought home another kitten?)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they’re rich.
- Pam, age 7

Seeing as I’ve been dating Casey since I was 17, I didn’t have the chance to kiss any rich guys, so………….

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7

Seeing as I’ve been dating Casey since I was 17…….

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8

I’d be a lot of times divorced. 

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
- Theodore, age 8

I agree. Sounds disgusting.

(2) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

Ehhhhhh. Kinda wrong, Anita. Casey often cleans up after me. Because I’m the “creative” one. That gives me license to be a mess. And messy.

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
- Kelvin, age 8

Hellz ya there would.

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10

Good plan. Also, tell her you really love her cats and would do anything for them, even if you hate cats.

Books and not reading Harry Potter

I’ve been knocking out some books lately. Mostly to avoid reading Harry Potter #4. One of my 2013 goals was to read all the Harry Potter books, but it’s not going so well. I have trouble with wizards and magic. I realize this will make many of you question your relationship with me, and I’m okay with that. IT’S WHO I AM. I’LL NEVER BE A DIE HARD HARRY POTTER FAN. I just have a hard time committing my reading time to HP when I have a gazillion unread books that seem more relevant to my life on my Kindle. Anyway, here are some good ones I’ve recently finished. (Photos from Goodreads.) Click on the titles for book summaries.

Sisterland

I read about this book in People Magazine and downloaded it to my Kindle awhile back. I recently read it and it seemed to come along at just the right time. I related to the main character in lots of ways (no parallel with that ending though, so don’t get the wrong idea if you’ve read it). I’m not psychic or anything, but I am a twin. I grew up thinking we were so different and the older I get, the more I realize we’re not that different after all. I think the book just emphasizes that connection between siblings that doesn’t really compare to any other kind of relationship. And ya know, I just really liked that about it.

Come Back

When I finished this book, I wanted to start it over and read it all over again. I think I read most of it with my hand over my heart feeling the pain of both Claire and Mia. My younger brother went through a phase very similar to Mia’s, and because the book was written from both the mother’s and daughter’s points of view, I felt like I got to see my brother’s side of the story — one I couldn’t really understand or wrap my head around before. We all deal with life’s messes a little differently. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.

Shine Shine Shine

This is another one I’ve had on my Kindle for ages and finally got around to reading. I was Internet surfing one day and came across a post Lydia wrote about marriage. It was before I was married, and all the things she listed seemed a lot easier “back then.” I realize I probably shouldn’t say “back then” in regards to just a little over a year ago, but I’m not much for rules when it comes to writing. I downloaded the book, because I liked her voice.

The book is nothing like I expected, but it was an interesting story, and one that proves perfection is overrated, which I’m all about these days.

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

Funny. My childhood certainly wasn’t normal, but it definitely didn’t include dead squirrel puppets, and for that, I’m thankful. But also a little jealous, because it made great writing material. I still laugh out loud when one of her stories crosses my mind.

99 Problems But a Baby Ain’t One

(Photo Credit: Greetings from Texas)
Finished this just last night. I was laughing almost the entire book until the end when I was crying. Not like those real intense tears, just the watery eyes kind of thing, but still. Making light of serious situations is one of my specialties, so I had a terrific appreciation for this memoir. Megan is a badass. And I’m not saying she subconsciously dedicated her book to me or anything, but I did want to point out that she mentions at the beginning that she changed the names of some of the doctors and there is a doctor named Dr. Cats. If she made that up, I have a good feeling it was because of me. Secondly, she has a sentence in the book that says “Strange, right?” So, obviously. I mean it’s just obvious. Thanks, Megan. I like you, too.

 

99 Problems and dancing the night away

Brace yourselves. I didn’t have it in me to blog last week. I’ve been going through a self-proclaimed quarter-life crisis (you know, assuming I live to be 100). But, here’s what’s been happening.

Casey’s uncle came to town for some fajitas. Also to see Casey’s family.

Our friend, Andrew, got ordained! He’s the one in the red tie. The other guy in the picture is Casey, who is still an accountant.

I went to Megan’s (Greetings from Texas) book signing last Thursday. I’ve almost finished the book, but I’m pacing myself, because I don’t want it to end.

I did spend some time this weekend doing this, though. Hopefully she won’t mind I included this sneak peek of her book. Seeing as I work in the intellectual property field, I’m only slightly nervous. Below page was written by Megan Silianoff. Below cats belong to Megan Strange.

I also picked up a book for my mother-in-law for her birthday and asked Megan to write “Happy Birthday” and something about Galesburg, Illinois, because unlike most people in the world Megan and Kelly have both spent time in Galesburg.

When she got to my book I said, “Please write something sentimental.”

Tears of joy.

Casey and I were most social this weekend. We went to a stoplight party on Friday. The rules were to wear green if you’re single, yellow if it’s complicated, and red if you’re taken. Casey wore three layers, one of each color, with green being the outer-most layer. I guess the idea was that if a girl tried to take off his shirt, she’d eventually come to find out that he’s taken. However, it ended up getting pretty toasty in there with all the partiers, so he had to shed two shirts, and we both ended up red.

Saturday, we went dancing with some friends and had a grand ol’ time. We also discovered a sushi restaurant Casey can handle, which is a huge victory for our relationship.

Then things got sweaty from all the dancing, so excuse my hair. Happens every time. Sometimes I look bald, because my hairline starts kind of far back, but luckily someone added bunny ears as an accessory to distract viewers from noticing. But then I pointed it out, so now everyone knows what I’d look like bald.

Then I rode the mechanical bull for 36 seconds.

Then I ran into my college friends David (also known as Ted Mosby) and Chelsea, which was GREAT! David and I closed down the bar by doing push-ups, which was very unsanitary but also very impressive to everyone at the bar.

GlassesUSA and my best-selling novel

Lately my mom has been sporting some hipster glasses, and I’ve really been digging the look. Since we look sort of the same, I decided I needed some hipster glasses too. Also, whenever I picture myself writing my best-selling novel, I’m always wearing big glasses, and I figured that the reason I haven’t written my best-selling novel yet is probably because I didn’t own big glasses. So, I took it upon myself to buy some big hipster glasses.

This is me. Lying on the couch and not writing my best-selling novel despite my new eyeglasses. The best part about this, though, is that I bought the eyeglasses online.

I bought them at GlassesUSA.com, and have used them mostly for watching TV. And looking hipster. It was super easy, because you just plug in your prescription and pay a small amount of money, because these are seriously the most affordable glasses I’ve ever come across.

(I found this picture on Casey’s phone, which I can only assume means he secretly thinks kitten cuddles are adorable.)

You can even “try them on” virtually.

How tech-savvy is that!  If you buy glasses this way, you can save a couple trips to the store and some moo-lah, which you can use to buy my best-selling novel in 20 or so years. (I’m trying to be ahead of the game with my marketing.)

Molly: Professional selfie photo-bomber.

Conversations and magic

Casey recently replaced a lightbulb in our bathroom with an energy efficient bulb.

Me: This new light makes me look like a vampire. I’m afraid this will be really bad for my self image.

Casey: Are you going to make me change it?

Me: Do you want me to cry every day because I’ve convinced myself I look like a vampire?

Casey: How do you know it makes you look like a vampire? Vampires don’t have reflections.

The kid can tell jokes. But he has horrible taste in lightbulbs.

 

I don’t know his sister’s skill level when it comes to picking out lightbulbs, but she definitely has a knack for the one-liners.

I know you’re all jealous this is who I get to spend holidays with for the rest of my life.

 

 

I’m finally reading the Harry Potter series. In previous days of my life I read books 1,2, and 7, but apparently that’s a crime, so I reread 1 and 2, and now I’m on 3. My HP-loving soulmate friend and I were discussing life per usual and I mentioned that Harry had been teaching me some spells so I can now perform magic tricks. (Tad bit of profanity below. Wizards make me “curse.” LOL.)

 

Sharp Objects

Just finished Gillian Flynn’s Sharp Objects. After I raved about Gone Girl, my friend Erin bought me Flynn’s other two novels for my birthday.

Source: Good Reads

I don’t know if I can safely say I thought it was better than Gone Girl. I just don’t know, because they were both so good! I think I felt I could relate to Camille, the main character in this book, better than Amy, from Gone Girl. I don’t carve words into my skin or anything, but I was once a reporter. I’ve covered a murder before … though the murder didn’t end up being OH WAIT I CAN’T TELL YOU! See my problem with book reviews? I’ll keep trying.

Camille’s editor assigns her a story regarding the murders of two young girls in her very small hometown. Camille is hesitant to go because it means she will have to stay with her mother, with whom she has a very rocky relationship. Camille knows the story will be difficult to cover, because her little sister died when she was young. She now has a half sister she doesn’t know well, a creepy and distant mother who openly admits she doesn’t love Camille, and a step-father who barely speaks. I thought I was on to Gillian’s plot from the very beginning. I thought I for sure knew how it was going to wrap up. There is a nice little twist at the end, though. I never know if I should be disappointed in myself for not seeing those. I mean, if I really knew the ending then I’d just be waiting to get there, but then when she surprised me I was sort of mad at myself for not guessing. That Gillian is a real trickster, and even if you see the real ending coming, you’ll still be surprised about some of the gory details. I can guarantee it. It’s a good mystery, and I’d say Gillian Flynn knows a thing or two about character development.

I hope you’ll consider this a review. I tried really hard.

Also, isn’t Gillian Flynn SUCH an author name? Must be her destiny.

So, if you are traveling this Thanksgiving holiday, be sure to pick up Gillian’s books. Those plane rides will fly by. HA! Hope you caught that.

Happy Thanksgiving!