Long time no talk and Serial

I’m gonna have to sum up the past fifty-million weeks since I haven’t blogged since the beginning of time. Even if I wanted to recount the details of my life the past month plus some time, I probably couldn’t as I’m sure you’re aware if you’ve been listening to Serial like the rest of the world seems to be doing. I finally caught up this weekend, and my drives to and from work have returned a normal routine where I try to suppress road rage and debate sleeping at my office during the week and other big life issues.

First things first, I turned 26, which I believe scientifically means that I have now reached maturity in my brain, so I’ve been waiting to recognize the big change in my thoughts and actions, but so far I’ve detected no change which could either indicate A. that I’ve been mature since the womb or B. I’m delayed.

Regardless, it’s important to note that I spent my birthday weekend with Casey and my parents in California frolicking a half marathon and drinking wine.

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My mom completed her first half marathon, and I was super proud of her despite the fact that she told me at Mile 13 (.1 left in the race) that if Jim and Casey pulled up in the truck right that second, she’d jump in and never regret not finishing. I tried prancercising to boost her mood, but it was to no avail. I did not get the running bug from dear ol’ ma, I suppose.

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Bearded Wonder drank wine which is pretty much a life event for him. I also drank wine, but that’s the most regular occurrence ever in the world, so not worth documenting but already did, sooooo whooooops.

After returning to the H, we had a little celebration at the house where we took some blurry and non-blurry photos with my birthday friend.

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Casey and Kris photograph better together:

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That’s Casey’s face every time Kris is around, because she’s his favorite…ish.

In other news, Tory is making slight progress with cat bonding. By “slight” I mean I got really lucky and took this picture where it looked like she was legitimately trying but actually was probably trying to eat her.

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In bigger more important news, KAITLIN AND OAKLEY ARE ENGAGED! And Oakley was kind enough to let me be present for the big question, so I got to witness her priceless reaction of “OHHHHHHH MYYYYYY GOOOOSSSHHHHHHHH.”

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It was magical.

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We ran the Turkey Trot the next morning per Thanksgiving tradition before stuffing our faces at two Thanksgivings each!

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AND THEN after Thanksgiving, the cats got really into the Christmas spirit.

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And Casey grew his beard some more. AND THEN the cats got even more in the Christmas spirit by staring out the window for Santa.

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We haven’t introduced them to Elf on the Shelf yet, because we’re lazy parents, but we do still try to keep the Santa thing going. Who knows how much longer we have before they figure it out?

And, of course, Tory is still a stage 5 clinger.

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But we’re all one big happy family even if our middle child has to hang out in a box.

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Pepper spray and fireball

Lots to say today since I’ve been hosting a (several) moment(s) of silence for no reason besides busyness (typical American excuse)…

Things are pretty much exactly the same as they were when I last wrote.

For instance, Tory still torments Lucy for the hell of it.

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It’s still hilarious.

Lucy and Molly are still a united front against all things dog.

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Tory still struggles to fit her whole tongue in her mouth.

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Abbey still watches silly television programming in our house. We allow it because she pays rent.

While watching Dancing with the Stars this evening:

*announcer announces something that I guess was groundbreaking, revolutionary, etc.*

Abbey: WOW SHOCKINGGGGG

Megan: *type type type as though nothing happened*

Abbey: Megan, I wish you cared a little bit more.

Megan: *type type type as though nothing happened*

 

In recent news and events, it is my birthday week, which I share with both my brothers. Naturally we took the time to pose for a classic family photo complete with inappropriate hand signals courtesy of my twin.

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My younger brother often seduces the camera with his eyes like that…it’s nothing special. Don’t get sucked in, because he has the best girlfriend in the whole world, and I have an unhealthy attachment to their relationship.

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I made them stand there for a good long time while snapping 50-something of these babies.

The highlight was definitely last night at the annual birthday dinner celebration. I was overshadowed often by my brothers (like my childhood. JK, MOM, DON’T FREAK OUT) in conversation, so most of my hilarious one-liners were barely heard by anyone except Casey who politely chuckled to himself and wondered why on earth he didn’t marry ANYONE ANYONE ANYONE else in the entire world.

Evidence below:

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Is he about to laugh or cry? SEE THAT’S THE QUESTION! That’s the face of some serious regret.

He was feeling a whole lot better about the situation BEFORE the dinner.

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See? The dog looks adoringly upon the happy couple whilst they’re photographed in conflicting patterned shirts.

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Overwhelmed with happiness, because he has momentarily forgotten what a dinner with my family is like.

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All jokes aside (but not for long), the dinner was actually PERFECT thanks to my mom’s brilliant birthday-dinner planning skills. She’s done this thing for 26 years, and she’s totally perfected the art. However, she’d still rather show you the side of her head than the front of her face. I can only assume she had a traumatic experience with the paparazzi at some point early in her childhood that made her so terrified of being photographed. NOTE: Matthew, again with the hand signals…

Sentimental gifts were exchanged. I bought my brothers both shirts from their favorite stores. They bought me:

Pepper spray (love, John).

Fireball (love, Matthew).

With my new powers combined, I feel ready to both party all night long and also stop anyone who tries to get in my way.

But, instead I will most likely do what I do best: cuddle with kittens.

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Podiatrists and Lucys

I have now been to the podiatrist three times and have one more scheduled appointment, because I guess I suddenly turned 75 over night?

Everyone else in the waiting room is seriously over 75 and has resorted to wearing orthopedic shoes. I’m not there yet, but my time to wear fashionable footwear may be running out. Between the tailor’s bunions and a beautiful ingrown toenail (AND a fever blister caused by the stress of said toenail), I am officially the world’s sexiest woman. My interview with People magazine is next week. Casey is beyond himself with pride.

Luckily before the procedure to remove my ingrown toenail (…are you still reading…that’s the second time I’ve mentioned an ingrown toenail (now third…)…I’m not judging, but someone probably is…), my doctor told me a very encouraging story. He made sure to tell me the tale after I had signed the consent forms. It started the same way my foot story starts — with an ingrown toenail. A man went to get one removed, and the doctor was getting his knives ready. He was just about to start the procedure when he fell on top of the man and accidentally stabbed him in the heart. As you can imagine, I couldn’t wait for my own toenail-excising adventure to begin.

My procedure had a happier ending (similar to Cinderella but more realistic, and I still can’t wear glass slippers or pointy shoes for awhile).

In other news, my mom and I visited Pennsylvania this weekend. You may remember my grand adventure from this visit last year. This year was tamer, because Janet’s first grandbaby now exists, and we all have to set good examples for her. Her name is Lucy, like my cat. Also like my cat, she likes to sleep on my while a dog sits nearby. It’s still unclear whether Emma named her Lucy after my cat or not. I asked, and she said she just liked the name, but, like I said, it’s still a little unclear.

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I’m sort of a magnet for small living things.

Iowa and Spies

Went to Iowa this weekend. Didn’t eat corn. Did attend the best tailgate ever. All thanks to my mother-in-law who planned the perfect birthday weekend for Casey’s dad! We heard countless stories about their college days and learned all about those two party animals…I mean…perfect students.

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We were missing Elle, but we laughed for two days straight with Casey’s cousins, or my cousins, as I prefer to refer to them…especially since they tend to laugh at ALL my jokes.

P.S. Our 13-year-old cousin is almost taller than Casey. SOOOOOO AWESOME.

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Also, we met the next Heisman-winner. Just kidding, it’s Maggie.

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We also discussed my career with our cousin, Mia.

Mia: What’s your job?

Me: I work at an advertising agency.

Mia: YOU’RE A SPY?!

kinddddaaaaaaaaa….jk not at all.

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May have accidentally let a BAD word slip in front of those pretty little ears also. She called me out immediately…

Mia: I’M RIGHT HERE.

So, it was good to come home to furbabes who can’t understand English or distinguish bad words from good ones. But it was bittersweet to leave after such a short time of having 100% fun 100% of the time.

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And it was so good to celebrate Casey’s dad, or my father-in-law, as I prefer to refer to him. HAPPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY, TER BEAR! JK I’m not supposed to mention that nickname anymore.

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Maggie was also super excited to celebrate her dad’s birthday. And to take a snapchat.

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And it’s always good to chill with my golden boy.

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Levels and Conversations

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Casey: Did you know you have a level on your iPhone?

Megan: Yes. And you already asked me that.

Casey: Damnit. I’m running out of things to talk to you about.

So, on the bright side, marriage is great.

Except that we also can’t trust each other. Because let me tell you, I TRUSTED Casey to help me with my Fantasy draft, because you know he LOVES football, and he watches it ALL the time, and he’s always talking about it and checking his phone for scores, etc. etc. Seems logical, right? Seems like THE RIGHT MOVE, RIGHT?

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WHAT A JOKE.

If it was a real trust fall, I’d be dead. Or at least have a concussion.

Blue Bell and paddle boarding

Hola, it’s me again. Chiming in a lil late to share some Labor Day weekend photos. Meant to do this Monday night, and Tuesday night, etc. BUT HERE I AM ON THURSDAY NIGHT, blog blog blogging away!

First, I’d like to share a snap from this weekend:

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We party SO HARD.

After eating our weight in ice cream Saturday night, we decided the best thing to do would be to put on bathing suits and hang out at the lake. We both learned to paddle board…and so did Tory.

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So regal. JK, she was FREAKIN’ out at the time of this photo. But we are THOSE parents who force their children to try new things to ensure they REALLY hate it.

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That’s my brother. Casey did not suddenly dye his hair and get a bunch of tattoos. Tory had so much fun with her Aunt Breia, who coincidentally also frequently gets held like a human child:

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Lastly and most importantly, my stepdad got up on skis and showed us all how it’s done.

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He’s so fancy. You already know.